wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
