xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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