I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
