He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
