I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
