So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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