This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
