I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
