how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
