Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
