imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
