kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
