She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
