I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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