So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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