I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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