so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
