There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
