3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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