I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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