dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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