Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
