When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
