Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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