I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
