sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
