In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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