I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
