Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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