Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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