We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
