i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
