I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
