I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You made out with two different species that night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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