I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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