The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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