Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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