you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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