So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
