Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
