just come out here and I will go home with you...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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