Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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