I looked at my own cervix.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
