somebody snuck up and got me drunk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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