he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
