Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
