Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
