I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
