Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
