Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
