I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
