I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
