well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
