dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
