You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
