even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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