Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
