I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
