Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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