So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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