I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize