"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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