So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
