I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
