and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
