the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize