What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
