Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
