no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love accidental penises.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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