I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
