don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
