I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
