Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
