Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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