Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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