I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
