My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
