So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize