I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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