margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
