And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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