he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
