Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
whose parrot is this?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
