Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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