How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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