Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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