I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
