professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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