Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
