Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
