Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
